When I was just a baby, my parents were shipwrecked off the coast of Africa. They both perished in the jungle and I was brought up by apes…

No, hang on a minute, that’s Tarzan.

When I was just a baby my father realized that our home planet, Krypton, was doomed. He sent me to Earth in a special capsule. A farming couple brought me up as their own child. I began to realize that I had super-powers when…

Pardon me? Superman? Never heard of him.

When I was just a baby I was left on the doorstep of a muggle family –

Oh, all right! If you insist, I’ll tell you about my boring life.

When I was just a baby I slept a lot, cried a lot and regularly filled my nappies. That’s more or less it. Things became a bit more interesting once I could walk. Here is a list of fairly interesting things about my childhood.
I once set fire to the house.
I broke my thumb.
For over a year I refused to eat anything but jam sandwiches.
I had (still do) two brothers and two sisters.
I was (still am) the oldest. I was an only child for ten whole minutes until my twin sister was born.
We had two dogs, a cat (plus her kittens), a tortoise, loads of hamsters, loads of goldfish, a budgie and a guinea pig.
By the time I was eleven I had read every single story in my local library.

I was born in North Shields in a hospital on the banks of the River Tyne. I spent my childhood in the North East of England. I went to Lancaster and Leicester Universities and then I taught English in a comprehensive school in Coventry. I’ve done other jobs since leaving school. I’ve worked in a library, sold ice-cream and hot-dogs at Butlins, packed airline meals at Luton Airport and worked in shops. The job I like best and the one I have done for the longest is being a writer.

Now I live in Berwick upon Tweed, which is on the banks of another river – The Tweed. I live here with my husband John and our two children. North Northumberland is a great place for a writer to live. For inspiration, it has lots of local stories, ruined castles and a violent past. For walking and thinking, it has the widest, whitest, emptiest beaches in the country, as well as high moors, bleak hills and sparkling rivers full of salmon. It can get pretty cold in winter though – and the wind can be a real bully.

Okay. You can wake up now. I’ve finished.